


When in Alaska - interlude

by wheretobe



Series: When in Alaska [2]
Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Day 3 - Soft, Day 6 - Domesticity, Day 7 - Hurt/Sick/Comfort, F/F, KE week, Killing Eve Week 2020 - Day 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-02
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:07:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26252398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wheretobe/pseuds/wheretobe
Summary: I was asked to give this a bit of a continuation and decided to do so for the KE week
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Series: When in Alaska [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1907152
Comments: 40
Kudos: 121
Collections: Killing Eve Week 2020





	1. Chapter 1

“Down and give me 20, Harris!”

Oksana yelled, hands firmly clasped behind her back, feet planted strongly in the muddy ground as rain pelted down on the teams trying to do the small parkour ,Oksana and the Sarge had set up in the morning, in record times.

The soldier dropped down and started counting out loud as the Sarge kept yelling at Soldiers to mind their Teammates, the Gunny next to her taking the time.

“I am just saying Oksana...you are both not getting younger. And don't all gals kinda get this...baby blues thing?”

Manny said, after noting down another time. She glowered at him from under the rim of her cover, raindrops dripping down. 

“I really don’t want to talk about this right now!”

A shrug and on her other side a snort from the Sarge, making her turn and almost miss the soldier dropping his rifle.

“PICK IT UP RODRIGUEZ! DO I NEED TO GET MY WIFES SURGICAL TAPE FOR YOUR LUBE HANDS?!”

She yelled, advancing towards the drenched soldier who stood at attention yelling back No, Ma’ams as he was ripped a new one by the disgruntled Major, her mouth only a few inches from the poor souls ear.

“Holy shit she’s in a mood!”

Gunnery Sergeant Manny Santana noted and almost weezed as Henry clapped him on the back. 

“You didn't make it better by bringing up the age thing.”

“You think we need to warn the Doc?”

They both watched Oksana run next to the unfortunate Gun dropping Soldier, berating him for his gun handling.

“Nah, she can handle O better than all of us. Let’s...let’s just not bring up the Baby thing anymore. It seems to stress O, a bit.”

**

“I think I kind of shocked her with the admission though. I should maybe not have brought it up like this, Konstantin.”

Eve said into the phone, pouring herself a glass of water and watching Oksana stoically mow the lawn, ignoring the dogs running back and forth in play.

“Manny said she was in a foul mood in training…”

A soft laugh made her sigh. 

_”There is never a right time for talks like this, Eve. Let her calm down and gather her thoughts mh? Stop worrying she’ll just need time to mull this over. Brood a bit. You know her Eve! I need to go now, tell her I said Hi!”_

She admitted she had hoped for a bit more help from Konstantin but in the end he was right. Oksana had to brood now and no matter how desperate she looked at the major to get her to open up, alaskan Oksana was back for now.

Maybe bringing up her dreams of raising a child with Oksana over their anniversary dinner had not been the best of times. But lately she had found herself feeling a longing when mums and kids dropped in on her practice at camp Lejeune and at some point she had realized why she felt this way.  
Carolyn had a good laugh at her over the phone, as she called the other woman panicked. Alas, it was true, Eve felt she wanted nothing more than to see Oksana with their child. 

Wolf was the first to trudge inside, waiting patiently for Eve to clean his paws.  
Since she got her memory back wolf stuck to her like glue if he could, as if he had made a deal with his boorish owner to never let her out of sight. He sat next to her as she stood at the porch window, watching shaggy run circles around Oksana.

"I don't think there is much lawn left, mh?"

Eve muttered and scratched Wolfe's head. A wet huff later and he was gone too, leaving her to her thoughts.

It had really started at one of the Generals infamous Summer BBQ's just a few weeks prior. One of Oksana's men had brought their girlfriend and little baby daughter and at some point jokingly had handed the adorable girl over to Oksana, photos being snapped by Henry to 'have something to hold against O', as they had said. But looking at Oksana stare down wide eyed at the baby girl squeezing the life out of the Major's finger, made something inside of Eve burst.

_  
"Bet you burst an ovary or two."_

_"Oh fuck off, Elena!"  
_

Eve remembered that phone call too, right after the BBQ when she was tipsy from the wine and Oksana was out of the house taking the dogs for a last stroll.

Ever since then she found herself fantasizing about their family and it made the longing worse each day. 

“Well...time to face the Ogre…”

Was muttered as the Doc opened the patio door and stepped onto the porch.

“Dinner is ready, Baby!”

She yelled and watched Oksana flinch then turn, blinking while Eve wanted to curse at herself for using the wrongly timed endearment. That would be an interesting Supper.

Hours later, Eve found Oksana in their basement, watching some college football re-run on the big screen, slouched on the couch and having a root beer.  
She had woken in the middle of the night, feeling her wife absent next to her. They had been married for just a few months but Eve felt she had divided them by her admission of dreaming of a family.  
Her wife usually only used the basement when the guys were over to play some cards while Eve was out with the women of the base, that she had retreated down here now worried Eve.

She sat down next to Oksana, the younger woman acknowledging her presence by scooting over to make some space.

“How’s Michigan doing?”

“Getting their sixes kicked by Penn state.”

Oksana grumbled, then pointed the remote at the screen, muting Sportscenter.

“O…”

“I never...wanted kids. When I thought of myself I saw myself in the military. Nadia also did not want children, coming from an abusive home and all. So I guess….the thought just never manifested in me.”

Eve stared at her wife’s profile, the blonde staring stoically straight ahead. Only the fidgeting of her hands betrayed her nervousness. Eve’s smaller hand landed on Oksana’s, softly squeezing.

“I never thought of me as a mother either. I never wanted them with Niko...I don't know what happened, where this is coming from suddenly. All I feel is...sadness because I see what kind of toll this has taken on you these days. I feel...I feel like I made you drift away or recoil from me. You leave the bed at night and stay down here…”

She had wanted to stay calm but Eve choked up, her hands covering her eyes.

“I’m sorry”

Oksana mumbled, pulling her sobbing wife into her and dropping a kiss on Eve’s crown.

“I don’t think...I will ever feel...I am sorry.”

Her battle hardened Soldier wife said and Eve let herself break in her arms.

**

“Where’s Eve?”

The Gunny asked and frowned as Oksana entered the bar alone.

He had watched his friends' marriage under fire the last weeks since Eve admitted to the Major that she felt like she wanted children and Oksana had shut it down. From then on things felt like they had changed. Oksana spent more time in the office and bar and Eve did not join them as often.

The major stopped suddenly and stared at him, searching for something acceptable to say. 

“She said she wanted to stay home, relax some with the boys.”

A raised brow was all she got as she sunk into the booth and grabbed a beer. She spent the next few minutes peeling the label as Santana watched her, Henry flirting with a chick at the jukebox.

“You should be home, O. Solve the differences.”

He admonished and watched the Major stiffen.

“Ain’t nothing to solve though Manny. I’m not parent material, stat.”

He snorted and rolled his eyes.

“With all due respect, O, you’re such a dumb fuck.”

Oksana bristled, turning to her friend angrily but Manny would have nothing of it.

“Never thought you’d fight so hard for that woman and then chuck it away by...what exactly? You behave as if you’ll parent a kid alone. I mean...come on give me one good reason you and Eve shouldn’t be parents?”

´There was a myriad of emotions running across his friend's face. SHe landed at dejection.

“I’m not soft ok? I yell at people all day, I kick ass, I am not mother material.”

A deep frown settled on her face as Manny started laughing.

“Oh come on, O! Seriously I have no idea why she married such a dunce…”

“Fuck off, Gunny!”

“Whoever said you would need to be the mom eh? Fuck knows no one that made it this far in the service is fucking soft. Well maybe besides your neighbour George...we all know his wife runs that ship. Since when are you a stickler for heteronorma- something household roles, Major?”

She left the Bar after that beer and walked home, feeling in dire need of fresh air to settle the turmoil Manny had caused in her.

While other girls in school had always talked about dream families, Oksana wanted to be a Marine like her father. She had never closed her eyes and imagined what her child would be like. Nadia had welcomed that and so their future was planned with other things in mind. Then Nadia was killed and Oksana’s whole plan and future went blank. 

She had not even believed she would find love again. But here she was, married and so deeply in love. Feeling like she could not be enough for Eve, was slowly killing her.

**

“Hey Doc...my wife here?”

Oksana asked, cover in her hand and feeling under scrutiny. The last two weeks her wife had spent most of her day in her practice and then in the Hospital, and now she had even spent some nights in the hospital instead of coming home. 

Her father had softly told her to unfuck herself and talk to her wife instead of letting them drift again, reminding her of almost losing Eve once before.

“Hello Major. She is in the kids ward, come on.”

The words made something inside of her ache for her wife, realizing how much pain she had probably caused Eve lately. She followed silently until they reached a glass door, painted in happy colors to ward of any fear the youngsters staying here might feel.

The young Doctor opened the door with his card and then pointed to a hallway to the right.

“She should be in room 1405.”

“I...thank you.”

Her booted feet dragged Oksana down the hallway, shoulders sagging under the heavy weight of guilt. The room numbers went past her until she reached the end of the hall and room 1405, a friendly waving bear on the door and the sign under the room number empty.

She stepped to the window next to the door and peeked inside, not wanting to spook the inhabitant if Eve was not indeed in there. 

Eve was softly walking back and forth and swaying a toddler in her arms, the child with their face bandaged and Eve’s hand on the back of their head, which was propped on her shoulder. Oksana watched, mesmerized as Eve soothed the child then sat with them and tried to feed more food. Her head turned and Oksana quickly left the window before Eve could see her, feeling like an intruder all of a sudden.

“Ma’am? Oh, Major!”

A nurse said behind her and waved.

“Visiting the Doc?”

Clammy hands wiped on her BDU pants as Oksana nodded.

“Uhm...yea. She...was pretty stressed this week…”

God she had no idea what Eve had done actually, her own wife and she had not spoken to her properly in days.

“Yes, little Jamie will only let her close. Since he was brought here...the military foster and adoption service is rather happy to have her here helping these children.”

That was news to her and Oksana felt like a piece of shit. Her wife had kept all of this from her because she couldn't even properly explain why she did not feel equipped for a child.

“He’s...in the Care System?”

A nod and Oksana stared at the door her wife was behind.

“His Ma passed in Iraq, she was a pilot. His grandma took him in but she is now in a care home and she couldn’t afford his medical needs so the military stepped in. Jamie is in the System but will stay here until he is healed from his cleft palate surgery.”

Realization dawned at how her wife and the little boy met.

“Don’t you want to go inside, Ma'am?”

“I...no it seems he had a rough feeding…I’ll see her tonight”

Eve did not make it home that night, calling Oksana and saying she had a patient at the hospital and Oksana saying it was okay.  
It seemed her wife used her maternal feelings to help the little boy over his aches and Oksana would not let herself feel anger. Instead she felt dejected that she pushed Eve away like this. Making her hole up at work.

**

“Major! The Doc was called into another surgery. She’s been a heaven sent these past weeks!”

“Oh…”

She had missed Eve again, having planned to bring her lunch.

“Well...I can wait…”

The nurse chuckled and shrugged.

“Ma’am...it will take a bit.”

The stare Oksana gave the nurse left no discussion though. She would wait for her wife and do something good for her for once and if it was just a simple meal.  
She slumped in the chair at the end of the hall and sat down the bag filled with Eve’s favorite Sandwiches and Salad.

Ages later what must have been around 3pm, children were led past her into a play room and Oksana found herself staring at the green eyed boy her wife had been caring for.

Oksana had no idea how long she watched but the little boy was sitting by himself in a corner with building blocks while the other children soon started playing together. Jamie stayed by himself, turning away from the others and holding on to his plushie dog.

On autopilot she found herself walking into the room and over to Jamie, sitting down a little farther away from him, thankful she was wearing her BDU’s. There was this need inside of her to understand what her wife felt. Why she was so caught up in wanting children.

The two sat, Jamie ignoring her for long moments and he probably would not have dared closer had he not found himself unable to properly put the two Lego things he had built together.  
He pondered her for long moments and Oksana found herself simply holding her hand out for the blocks. He handed her the offending blocks and watched closely as she put them together, taking them back and returning to his game. Soon he brought her more blocks, either to get her to pull them apart for him or to put them together and soon enough he was sitting close to her, his plushie dog put on her lap for safeguarding as they built a little lego fort.

They said nothing to each other, Oksana not knowing what really to say to a toddler really. And Jamie seemed content with her silence. At some point he crawled onto her lap, inspecting her cover, taking it off of her head and putting the large cap on his tiny head, Oksana feeling unable to say anything as she watched him curl up and fall asleep, military cap still on his head.

She let him, not wanting to disturb his peace especially after a nurse had whispered to her, after watching the scene unfold, that he wasn't sleeping much.  
She almost dozed off herself and just as Oksana accepted that fate, she was softly poked by a nurse, the children being brought back to their rooms, playtime over.

Oksana refused to let a nurse pick up Jamie as not to wake him back up, simply doing so herself and bringing him to his room, softly placing him in his cot.  
As Oksana turned around to leave the room she found herself staring at her wife.

“Hey…”

**

“Please don’t Oksana. I am sorry I can’t do this right now.”

Eve said as she stood from their dinner table, leaving a confused Oksana sitting at the candle lit table to watch her wifes leaving back.

Shaggy whined as he was locked out of the office, staring at Oksana for help. Their evening had started well enough. She had cooked for Eve, wanting to relax her after 4 weeks on surgery rotation in the hospital. But Eve had come home all silent, grateful for what Oksana had done but still held back, locked off.

She cleared the dinner table, put things in the fridge, even did the dishes. But Eve did not re-emerge so after she had let the boys into the garden she went to the office, finding her wife behind the desk looking through some medical journal.

“Eve…”

“He...Jamie is being discharged in a week. His social worker asked me today if I had thought of fostering or adopting. I told...I told her ...we weren't planning on it.”

And that had broken her wife's heart. Because she wanted to but they were a couple and she honored Oksana’s decision to not be able to be a parent. Brown eyes filled with tears which were stubbornly wiped.

“I saw you with him. I don't understand…”

They had not properly spoken about the why, because Oksana found it hard to voice her feelings. Here she stood across her heartbroken wife and no easy solution at hand.

“I don't...I am not soft Eve. I...I am a marine. I shoot guns. I yell at people...until all they think of is me yelling...I am not...good. I don't do soft ok?”

She was simply at a loss.

“I was...scared three times in my life Eve. Once when I lost Nadia, twice when I thought I lost you. And I am scared now...because I am losing you again.”

Eve’s eyes met hers and they both felt the pain in the other saw the truth in Oksana’s words. They were drifting apart. She stood and crossed the room, kneeling in front of her stricken wife and grabbing calloused large hands.

“I want to do everything for you Eve. But I am scared shitless of not being what a child needs. Of being a drill sergeant instead of a mother…”

“Oksana...you are an amazing, courageous and strong woman. You have always proven you have my back. A child does not only need a parent only to be soft. They need someone they trust, someone to lead them through life's obstacles. I can not force you to raise a child with me. But I need you to stop thinking you wouldn't be a good person for a child. You could give a child more than you think just by being you.”

It all came down to the simple belief she wasn't motherly enough.

“I love you, O.”

The words struck something inside of her and she watched as her wife went through the next days, growing more and more sad by the day. On Friday noon Oksana felt a lump of fear and sadness grow inside of her and her feet simply marched her to the Hospital finding Eve where she would always find her the past week, with Jamie on her lap. This time she was not reading to him though. She held him, hiding her sadness so he could not see, while another woman in civil clothing, back his things. 

She stared through the window as so often, watching her wife break as the two year old’s arms clung to her neck, refusing to let go as the social worker tried to take him over.

She stepped away from the window.

**

Eve watched Oksana like a hawk, staring at her rather confused as the blonde commanded the room. It was monday morning and she had been dragged to the CPS office by her wife who wore her imposing green Uniform, pulling file after file to herself and reading them and exchanging files from them.

To say she had been left confused would be the understatement of the century. While O had been a stoic rock as she prepared herself for Jamie leaving, she had not given anything away during the week. Simply brooding and holding Eve when she needed it.  
Come Friday, when a social worker had desperately tried to detach little Jamie from her arms, the boy fighting up a storm as he tried to anchor himself to Eve, the door to the room had burst open, ending the spectacle as Oksana imposingly asked the social worker to give them a minute. The woman had left them, albeit protesting she had no time for this and Eve had found herself staring up at Oksana, hazel eyes searching hers as she herself was soothing a sobbing Jamie. 

Her wife must have found something in her eyes and had simply nodded before leaving the room.

The social worker returned minutes later, flustered and berating Eve why she had told her they were not willing to foster when she had asked and she had enough cases that day without a detour to the base.

The woman left without Jamie and when Oksana returned to the room she was on the phone, calling their neighbour George and asking him if he still had a travel cot that he could lend them.  
Eve cried silent tears, unable to speak as she followed Oksana home, confused as to what was going on. She was still shedding tears as Oksana carried the cot inside with George, thanking him while his wife handed Eve a box of emergency toys, Jamie sitting on the floor with Shaggy trying to get him to throw a tennis ball. 

The weekend was a blur and She felt thoroughly confused by Oksana and the sudden change of operations. Eve admitted she had given up on the thought of children with the younger woman. She refused to leave Oksana for this, loving the girl more than anything, thinking they had overcome worse things and maybe she would in time be able to deal with not having a family of that kind. 

Now she watched her wife signing papers left and right applying for emergency fostering for Jamie. 

“What changed, O?”

Eve asked as they drove home, awarded foster status and being allowed to foster Jamie with the prospect of later on adoption.

Oksana’s eyes stayed on the road as she tried to find the words to explain something she wasn't sure she could explain fully. Too many things had gone through her head, too many internal battles fought and no words would comprehend the things she had gone through mentally as she watched her wife break.

“I make tough decisions in the field all the time. I push my boundaries for my job, for my men. To keep them safe...I can…”

She rubbed her neck.

“I can push my boundaries for this little man. I may not be the softest Eve. But I can...I can be there for him and you. And yes I am doing this because I saw your pain and I can not watch you like this. I can not lose you over this eve and the deep rooted fears I have. I may not be the best...mum there is. But I can try my best to be a good parent.”

She was entering foreign territory but she knew she had to make this choice.

“I don't want you to do this because you feel I am forcing your hand, Oksana!”

“You aren’t! I made this decision. I decided I can do this with you! We can do this together. With you I can do anything. Even be a parent.”

She was fucking terrified. How would she not be? But Oksana truly believed that together with Eve nothing was impossible. Because they had gotten through worse stuff.

**

Eve shushed the dogs as she made her way into the dark house way past 2 am in the morning. She had been called up to the hospital for an emergency surgery and was left feeling exhausted, thankful she had the next few days off to spend with her family for thanksgiving. 

The thought Family made her heart beat faster and she smiled as she silently crept up the stairs not wanting to wake the other two. It had been months since Oksana’s sudden decision she could parent with Eve and the adoption process was almost finished. The little boy had dropped into their life like a little chaotic force and their life had changed so much, Eve was left reeling sometimes. Oksana simply had ploughed on from the first day. She was still the stoic Major, sitting on her porch, sipping her afternoon coffee and greeting the men running past in the evening. Just that now there often was a little guy with her, sipping cocoa and greeting them men too. She had watched that strange bond form between little boy and Marine Major, seeing how much Jamie gravitated towards the woman that had feared not to have one parenting bone in her.  
And Oksana’s fear had vanished more and more each day, the bond between her and Jamie something else entirely.

When Eve crept into the bedroom she felt happy tears burn in her eyes at the sight of a slightly snoring Oksana, little Jamie sprawled on her chest, being held secure by the young woman.  
When she sunk onto her side she cuddled in close to her wife, pecking her cheek lovingly.

“Not soft...my ass.”


	2. Homemaking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Day #6 of Killing Eve week - Domesticity - 9/5
> 
> (PS re editing some of the first parts since I keep forgetting 2 is a bit early for long talks)

**

“So the Doc at a girls night out?”

Manny asked as he came back from the kitchen with more drinks for them.  
Oksana had stayed home watching over Jamie so her wife could have a much needed evening to herself.

“Yeap...well more like a staff night out. Her assistants from the practice and some people she works with at the Hospital. She needed to unwind a little. With me having so many weekend trips lately for training, she had to do it all alone...so well.”

Eve loved her time with Jamie but she had admitted parenting all alone for weeks was tough, Oksana not having made it home before bedtime for days and then not being home on the weekends.

“Look at you, all parental and marriage god! No wonder we can't score girls with these expectations on us.”

Henry said with a laugh. 

“No but seriously, O. You are so damn lucky with a wife and kid like that.”

She was.

Oksana knew the moment Eve and her fought back against all obstacles, that she was damn lucky to find someone again. Taking in Jamie had been one of her toughest and scariest decisions and she felt rewarded when she saw him grin at her or when he cuddled in at bedtime reading.

It had been scary, thinking of herself as a parent but Jamie accepted her as she was. Rough around the edges. 

“He dinged his head on the couch table today. Tried walking with my boots. Cried for a bit but then it was okay. But Eve was a mess. She almost didn’t wanna go out. Got a nice egg on his forehead from it.”

She had felt her heart drop when she had heard Jamie wailing like a banshee. A cry she had never heard before ever, both her and Eve had rushed from the kitchen.

Melinda, George’s wife, had quickly brought them over some child pain relief and Jamie had soon forgotten his mishap as her three boys ‘oohed’ and ‘aahed’ over the wound.

The guys left around ten, and Oksana cleared up the living room, completely engrossed in the task when she heard little feet and dog feet come down the stairs.  
Jamie held the dog plushie he had already had in the hospital. By now Oksana knew it had been gifted to him by his birth mum shortly before she left for the tour that killed her.

“Hey buddy you okay?”

He shook his head sheepishly, rubbing bleary eyes, blond hair standing up from his head in all directions.

Kneeling in front of Him, Oksana checked the bump they had iced half the evening.

“Is it because of the bump.”

Another head shake and now eyes glazed over with tears.

“Buddy you got to tell me what it is so I can help.”

“Monster chase me!”

She nodded in understanding. So he had had a bad dream. His eyes scanned the room.

“Mama?”

“She’s coming home later today bud.”

It turned out to be the first evening Oksana felt the stress of parenting, understanding the pressure that had been on Eve and why she had needed a night out. In the end nothing helped but allowing the little guy to stay with her. He cuddled in, all bundled up in the covers and sighed instantly as he relaxed.  
It was the first time Oksana felt that odd feeling inside of her. That relief as Jamie relaxed, the knowledge of having made it better.

**

“Have you told Eve yet?”

Konstantin asked her as they manned the grill together, flipping steaks and burgers while Eve and Jammie played in the garden with the dogs. Jamie's delighted laughs at being chased by Eve filling the space. 

“I am waiting for the right moment.”

A deep sigh, which Oksana knew would come.

“Listen, there is no right moment. You will be in Ramstein for 6 weeks! You have to tell her!”

She knew that. She had been fretting how to tell Eve since she had gotten the news that she was sent to Ramstein to teach some courses.  
She watched as Eve picked Jamie up, the boy giggling and dogs jumping around them. It was a blissful image which the Major had quickly gotten used to.

Opening the grill top, she let the steam get out, checking on the steaks doneness.

“I will tell Eve!”

“You will tell Eve what?”

The voice of her wife emerged from behind the grill, and sure enough when she lowered the top back down, there Eve stood. Her father quickly excused himself to get another beer, leaving Oksana in the wake of questioning chocolate eyes. 

Inside Konstantin perused the fridge, checking if he had to put more beers inside when suddenly something collided with his legs. He looked down and smiled fondly. Jamie was not yet all used to him.

”S’rry.”

His little voice said sheepishly and Konstanin laughed.

“Ah no worries, Jamie. Come inside for a drink?”

A shy nod and without further ado, the General picked little Jamie up and let him peruse the fridge with him.

“Are your mommies talking outside?”

“Mhhh! Lots sorry.”

Jamie explained and then pointed at the orange lemonade. With two mothers in the house, Konstantin had quickly learned, Eve was Mama and his daughter was Mommy to Jamie. 

“Ah yes, sometimes Mama’s do that. I had to say that to your Mommys mother too, rather often actually...”

Jamie watched as Konstantin poured him a glass one handed, the older man making him sit on the marble counter. Jamie had his drink before Kosntantin put him back onto his feed, watching him run off with Shaggy in tow and shaking his head fondly. He was just visiting on duty in LeJeune but decided to stay a bit longer to get to know his grandson.

He knew how his daughter had felt towards having a child, how she had struggled with Eve’s wish regarding a family. He had feared it would pull the girls apart again. After Nadias murder he had feared Oksana would fall into a whole and she had in a way. First she threw herself into her career and then, when everyone around her moved in their lives, had spouses and children and Oksana felt an outsider, she had run to Alaska. Now he knew that step was the best thing she could have done. Back then he feared for her emotional wellbeing. 

Eve had been heaven sent and then he had to watch all over again how Oksana almost lost someone she loved. They had fought back hard and to then see another obstacle at their hands had been disheartening. His daughter though found her footing in parenthood. And Konstantin could not be more proud as he watched her family grow. Jamie made them laugh and smile in a way only a child could. 

He grabbed the bottle of wine and two beers and set it all on the dining table seeing his daughter and daughter in law still at the grill, Eve’s arms crossed over her chest and his daughter looking apologetic.

“They will be the end of me Wolf…”

The hound huffed and rolled over.

“We will talk about this once Jamie is in bed!”

He heard Eve say as they both came in carrying the grilled meats. Jamie behind them, saying he was not tired yet.

For the sake of the boy, Dinner was kept to normal and while Konstantin offered to bring Jamie to bed, he knew the women would still argue about this until departure day.

Eve was angry washing the dishes. Oksana had seen that a few times, wondering if the glasses shivered in fear.

“Babe…”

“Don't! I can’t believe you.”

“You married a military…”

“It’s not about that, O! I know that. I love you and all of you even this career. I am accepting it. I am a Marine wife. I get it, Semper Fi! But I need you to not hide stuff…”

“I wasn’t..”

Eve threw a raised eyebrow over her shoulder and Oksana averted her eyes, taking another sip from the beer.

“When were you thinking of telling me? The morning you ask me to drive you to the airfield?”

Sudsy water splashed as Eve slapped the water surface with her fists and Oksana ambled over, pressing her face into the junction of her wife's neck and shoulder, breathing in the comforting scent.

“I don't want to leave at all Babe. I couldn't say no though and I hate being far away for six weeks. I’d rather be with you and Jamie. It's six weeks and I fear he’ll forget about me.”

Eve’s shoulders slumped, better understanding the why behind Oksana not speaking up sooner.

“He won't forget you. We will face time every night okay?”

Eve still marveled at how Oksana had taken to being a parent. How thoroughly she cared for Jamie. She had known of course Oksana would not treat him like a bad decision. BUt she had feared that the younger woman would find it hard to approach the boy. That was not the case and the way she could not be shaken by troubles, her staying level headed always, seemed to make Jamie flock to her, knowing she was stable and secure.

She pecked her Majors lips before returning to the dishes, Oksana drying the glasses she refused to put into the dishwasher lest they get cloudy.

**

“No! DANNY! No water guns! It’s too cold! Michael if you whack Tony one more time with that shovel!”

Melinda yelled out of the kitchen window at her boys in the garden. Eve watched Jamie play with the others and smiled. No matter how often Oksana had grumbled about George, him and his wife had been heaven sent from the moment they had taken in Jamie. From emergency clothing, toys and other stuff they needed quickly to tide them over. As well as Parents that had gone through this 4 times now. 3 boys and the youngest finally that little girl Melinda had always hoped for. 

“I swear tying my tubes was the best idea.”

She muttered and Eve laughed heartily, helping her clean the dining room after their little sunday lunch together.

“Yours is such an angel.”

“Oh, Jamie has his moments. He has a hard time with bedtime now until Oksana face times. It's not always working though because of her schedule.”

Melinda nodded and started packing the dishwasher.

“She is a good parent. My father always said Marines raise good kids.”

Just as she had finished that sentence a crash could be heard from the garden. Melinda straightened slowly, the woman with nerves of steel already knowing one of hers was involved.

“MICHAEL JAMES CONROY!”

**

Eve missed her wife. Simply put. Spending days without her was sad, watching Jamie do things without Oksana being there to witness was painful. She tried taking pictures and Videos, sending them to the Major but felt it just was not the same. She missed being held at night, she also sometimes just missed a grown up to talk to about her troubles. Melinda listened but Melinda was not her partner.

They were at the Kindergarten event, watching their kids dance and sing for all the parents visiting and Eve felt the spot next to her should be her wife, watching Jamie proudly as he recited a little poem about Summer arriving. 

She had already told Eve that she might even have to stay a bit longer and Eve had not been too happy about it. Fact was though she married into the military and this was still better than a combat mission.

Oksana simply tried to get the time to pass, hoping each day she would not be kept longer and could return to wife and kid. Jamie, she felt was growing a lot while she was gone and she missed so much while she was based in Germany.  
It sucked and she hated it thoroughly, suddenly understanding what other parents went through when having to leave their loved one’s behind. By week 5, Higher ups already warned she might be asked for one or two weeks more. Which meant she would miss Jamie's third Birthday.

That call to Eve had made her immensely sad, hearing how dejected she sounded as she said she had no idea how to tell Jamie. They both knew though that this would be an ongoing thing. This would not be the last time she would have to leave them for a bid.  
Week six and her planned trip back home passed and each day longer made her antsy. Eve was home alone but Manny and Henry had said they would help her with the birthday party for Jamie so she was at least not shouldering it all on her own. It soothed oksana only a little. 2 days away from Jamie birthday the little guy had caught on that she still was not home and he was silent in their call, Eve’s eyes looking glazed as they talked.

Later that night for Dinner, while some other officers went into town for some bar hopping, she stayed at base, dejectedly pushing her food around her plate. Someone sat down next to her and she was about to tell them to get lost when a present was placed in her line of sight.

Looking up she found her old Squad mate Ben grinning at her. For a second sheer happiness flooded her as they hugged.

“Ben! When did you come here?”

“Just this morning, O. Little birdy told me you might be missing a pretty important first birthday so...After a little stint in Iraq and since the wife herself is still in Mexico on vacation with her sister...I offered to take your last week…”

Her eyes widened as he laid down his plane ticket, her name on it now.

“Shit...are you for real?”

“Listen o...you just adopted the little guy. I talked to my wife and she’s all for it. So go...go home!”

He laughed loudly as she almost fell backwards over the bench trying to get up fast, grabbing the ticket and present from Ben before hugging him tightly.

“We miss you,O so don't be a stranger when you visit your Pa.”

“Thank you so so so much!”

She was packed and ready in record time, scared of missing the plane back home and the only one’s she did contact was Manny and Henry as it was in the middle of the night. 

Eve was up early one Jamies Birthday. She had promised him blueberry pancakes and chocolate milk before Melinda would take him and her kids out to a wildlife park so Evbe, Manny and Henry could set up the house and garden. They had told her that O had asked them to help and BBQ so Eve was not alone and she felt thankful really. But she could not shake all of her sadness at Oksana being stuck in Germany and missing this.

Eve understood. But she hated seeing Jamie sad and she hated knowing Oksana was alone in Ramstein.

When Jamie and the Conroys returned the house was decorated with Balloons and the works, Melinda and her started prepping the food, the kids wrecked Jamies room, while George and Oksana’s men prepared the garden seating. All this time Eve waited for Oksana to face time, but nothing came and she slowly felt more and more sad.

In the evening they let the kids run wild in the garden while the guys cooked, Manny had brought a pinata and the General and his wife had presented Jamie with a small battery driven Military jeep, making Jamie beam with happiness as he took it for a little drive in the driveway.

It was great. It would just have been better for Eve if Oksana had been home. While they ate the call finally came and her and Jamie went to the bedroom to talk to Oksana. Oksana apparently was being driven somewhere in a civilian car and had used the time to call their son. At first Jamie cheerily told her about all the cool things he had gotten. Thanking her for the gifts from them before he grew more solemn, asking her when she’ll be home.

Oksana hated not telling the full truth to the little one looking sad and teary, simply promising to be home soon. And that wasn't really a lie she was 30 minutes out.

Eve watched Jamie leave and looked at her wife in the small screen, trying to muster a smile.

“I miss you, O.”

“I miss you too babe. I’ll be home soon.”

As soon as the car drove into her street, Oksana’s legs bounced with all the pent up happiness of Ben giving her the chance to get home in time. She sure would be sending him and his wife something. 

It had grown dark by now and when she got out of the car and thanked the private for driving her home, she almost ran up the stairs in her BDU’s.

Eve was at the kitchen Island with Melina, keeping watch over the table of guests and the kids in the living room area at the same time. She had quickly learned the Conroy boys needed a tight hand and while George let them run amok, Melinda sure was the drill sergeant of their home.

“Guys, does anyone need another drink?”

Eve asked into the round, seeing they were all enjoying steaks and burgers.

“I could have a cold beer and some good food.”

Came the well known voice from the doorway and Eve blinked, turning slowly and praying it wasnt her mind making up things. 

“MOMMY!”

Affirmed it though. There Oksana stood in BDU’s, tired looking but beaming as she lifted a now crying Jamie. 

Melinda bumped her to break her out of her stare and she finally moved, Oksana holding out her other arm. Sinking into the embrace, Eve felt tears spill as she listened to Jamie and Oksana speak.

“I promised I’d try to get home buddy. And I was really lucky someone heard about your big day and helped me come home.”

After long minutes they broke apart, Jamie running of to tell everyone she was home, while Eve and she were still locked in a tight embrace, Oksana pecking her cheeks and lips over and over.

“I missed you so! I can’t believe you made it home!

“I’ll always try my best to come home to you guys.”

**

Oksana softly nudged Jamie, looking down at her 3 year old who had just gotten an ice-cream from the General's wife, the woman having spotted them as they strolled home from one of the on base playgrounds.

Jamie already had the water ice lodged in his mouth, grinning happily.

"Fank you Ma'am!"

The older woman smiled tenderly and nodded.

"What a well behaved little boy, Major."

They watched as Jamie stood with Wolf, leaning on the dog and petting him softly, as Oksana had taught him to.

"Yes, I swear it's all his Mamas doing."

She smiled fondly as she saw Wolf trying to get a lick from the ice cream, Jamie shaking his head.

"You will be at the Generals Birthday BBQ, Major?"

"Of course. looking forward to it.”

“My Husband will be very happy. Oh my manners, I should not keep you longer!”

By the time Jamie and her made it to their home, Jamie had handed her the rest of the ice cream running into the garden with Wolf in tow to play some more with the two dogs before it was time for dinner. Ambling up the stairs she was greeted by Eve who raised her brow at the ice cream.

“Must you eat ice cream before dinner, O? I ordered Pizza. I hope Jamie's appetite ….mhhhpf”

The blond grinned against her wifes lips, effectively having shut her up with a kiss.

“The General's wife gave him the ice cream. He gave me half. It’s fine babe, he’ll be hungry.”

A delicate eyebrow raised and Oksana already leaned back in to shush her wife once more, a finger pressed against her lips though.

“You spoil him.”

“I like to think I spoil both of you.”

Oksana said and then smiled, waggling her brows as she saw the resulting blush on Eve’s cheeks, pressing their lips together once more.

“Uhm...Pizza delivery?”

Eve peeked over O’s shoulder, smiling bashfully at the teen before pushing her wife away and telling her to get Jamie to wash up.

**

“But Mama…”

“Buddy no! I know it sucks right now but you are a bit too young for the kids camping trip. I promise once you are five you’ll go like the others ok?”

A ‘harumph’ sound and stomping up the stairs and Eve turned to her wife who shrugged and rubbed her neck.

The General always hosted an overnight Camping trip for the smaller kids with his wife and some others, where the kids would learn how to put up a tent, get campfire cooked hotdogs and smores and the next morning some little games like egg run and sack hop would end the little mini trip. Jamie though was only four and even though the General would have loved to take him, it had been too young.

“He’ll get to go next year. The General and his wife are really looking forward to being able to take him.”

“I know. But I also get his frustrations when all his friends will be there.”

Especially the Conroy boys who would not be there to play with him instead.

Oksana thought for a moment and then went back to the hall grabbing Jacket and car keys.

‘And where are you going this close to lunch?”

Eve asked, a bit confused. Soft lips captured hers and Oksana gave her a soft squeeze.

“I’ll hurry back. I have an idea ok?”

Hours later, while Jamie was getting his afternoon nap, Eve watched Oksana outside in the garden, smiling to herself.  
The tough as nails major, afraid she would not be a good parent was in their garden, putting up a tent and fire bowl, prepping the garden so Jamie could have his own little camping trip.

God she loved Oksana more every day and it seemed so ridiculous to feel this way. But everytime her Major did these little things, Eve’s heart felt like bursting.

Oksana had really gone out to the next outdoor center, gotten a tent and everything one needed for camping, even hotdogs and smores. The few pictures she took she sent to Konstantin and Irina as well as Carolyn and Elena, bursting at the seams with happiness and love.

Oksana was not only the best thing that could have happened to her. She was also the best thing for Jamie. Even though she always doubted herself on that one.

“Why are you smiling like that babe.”

Oksana asked when she came inside, pecking her cheek.

“We have maybe another hour and a half before our boy wakes up marine...so you better make it good.”

Eve said huskily as she pulled Oksana down for a very deep kiss, arms looping around the taller woman and hands squeezing that firm ass.

“Who am I to ignore a direct order…?”

The blond mumbled, unbuttoning her wife's blouse already.

“BASEMENT! “

“Yes, Ma’am!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! Hope you enjoy.


	3. letting go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last one for this story.
> 
> KE week last day - hurt and comfort
> 
> Sorry Ninjas in my apartment chopping onions

Summer was slowly ending, the leaves on base turning all shades of yellows, reds and oranges and the air growing colder and crisper.  
Eve loved the colder weather and what came with it. The Evening hours with oksana in front of the fire, holding tight and sipping tea, cuddle time with Jamie under tons of blankets on the couch, watching movies while it rained outside or a thunderstorm raged.

They had just returned from having dinner in Jacksonville, Oksana trying to get a babbling Jamie to get off the porch and inside the house, while Eve smirked and held the door open for them. The little guy was in a talkative mood after having spent Friday night at the Generals while she was out on an overnight training and Eve had been helping out in the hospital.

“Okay buddy, change straight into Jammies and go wash up.”

“But Moooom...I’m not tired!”

Looking for help she turned to Eve, pointing at Jamie who was pouting.

“Come on. It's been a long day and You have been up long the night before. Up up!”

Eve ushered and grinned at Oksana who, for some unknown reason, could herd a flock full of Marines but folded under the pout of her son.

While Eve took care of Jamie, the Major went to the kitchen to make them all tea, Shaggy was standing next to her watching and she looked around searching for Wolf. He laid where he so often rested now, in front of the fireplace.

“Wolf come here. Dinner time.”

She called, frowning when he just took a deep breath.

“Babe? Did you see Wolf eat this morning?”

She called up the stairs and watched Eve come to the top of them looking down with a frown.

“I put his morning portion in his bowl before I went to get Jamie. Hey...HEY! Jamie you need to put clothing on….”

Eve vanished, probably chasing after their buck naked child.

She turned to the bowls finding Shaggys empty and Wolfs still with the morning portion.  
She called him again and he still would not rise, so Oksana went to him sitting with him and rubbing his head.

“Whats going on Wolf mhh? You're Not one not to eat?”

The hair on his snout had turned white with age and a heavy feeling sometimes settled in Oksana when she looked at him. He was ten years old now and she knew time was not on his side. 

A lump formed in her throat as his smart eyes looked at her and he took a deep shaky breath, slowly trying to sit up. As he had finally managed, he heaved and brought out the bit of water he must have had.

“Hey...hey…”

Wolf sagged down again and Oksana’s frown deeped, checking his nose worried.

“Hey, O have you seen Jamie's pajama pants?”

Eve asked from behind her whole O sat and tried to soothe a shaky Wolf.

“O?”

The major stood with heavy shoulders.

**

“Mama...where is Wolf?”

Jamie asked as he watched his mama put kibble down in Shaggy's bowl, the Irish wolfhound still laying at the fireplace unmoving.

Eve felt tears threaten at the innocent question, trying to steel herself. 

“Baby...Wolf was very very sick and in a lot of pain. So Mommy had to take him to the vet and…”

She swallowed thickly, Jamie staring at her waiting for more.

“The Dr. can’t help Wolf anymore. But he can help making sure Wolf falls asleep without pain.”

She stumbled over the words, not sure how to explain this to a five year old. Jamie grew up around the inuit dog who they had been cautioned for not being suited for toddlers. But Wolf had cared and watched over Jamie always. 

“And when he wakes again will he feel better then?”

Jamie asked innocently but his Mama’s tears, which she tried to hide by turning away, said enough.

“HE’LL WAKE UP!”

Jamie yelled and stormed up the stairs.

**

Eve’s eyes were puffy as she watched Oksana slowly pack up leash and collar and some other things that belonged to Wolf. She had been withdrawn the last days since returning from the vet and Eve had offered to clear up the things, but her wife said she had to do it.

Jamie was inconsolable and Shaggy still kept wait at the porch door for his friend.

Oksana dropped a tender kiss on Eve’s lips before pulling her into a hug.

“I am sorry Eve….I know you are sad too.”

Eve’s eyes softened and she reached up to caress a red cheek, seeing the sadness behind O’s eyes. She had been given Wolf as a gift right after coming to Alaska from an old native. He had been with her and never left her side since then. 

“Can...can you talk to Jamie Oksana?”

The blonde nodded, knowing she had put it off long enough. Jamie's anger had focussed on her since she had brought Wolf to be put to sleep and he refused to speak more than necessary to her. She had let him, knowing he needed to be angry at something. Because yes, Dog cancer was fucking unfair.

“Can you...just put it in the garage…”

Oksana mumbled and handed Eve the box who took it with fresh tears and nodded.

Oksana found Jamie sitting on his bed in his room, playing with his airplanes. When she entered, watching the planets and stars turn round and round for a second on his ceiling, Jamie turned away from her.

“Jamie…”

“I don't want to talk to you.”

“I know buddy. But we have to.”

She sat down behind him on the bed, watching his little shoulders shake as he tried not to cry.

“You brought Wolf to the vet and he killed Wolf! You knew he would!”

Her own eyes flooded with tears.

“Yes. I know it's hard to understand Jamie. But the sickness the wolf had was very far progressed. If there was any chance to treat him with Chemo and radiation, I would have done it Jamie. But Wolf was in a lot of pain and he would have died in a lot of pain. When you have a dog you know that...that at some point they will die. They don't age as long as we do Jamie. To make the decision to put Wolf to sleep hurt me too, because I raised him from when he was a pup. He was always a very good dog and he did a lot for this family. I hurt too because I had to do this but he deserved to just fall asleep without pain.”

Jamie sobbed and she pulled him into herself, engulfing him in her arms and pulling him onto her lap as she rubbed his back soothingly, shedding silent tears at all this pain.

“Mama left me too...she too just left and never came home!”

Oksana’s eyes automatically wandered to the picture on Jamie's night table. The folded flag was in a case above his bed. Jennifer had been 29. She was a chopper pilot and her chopper had been shot at by insurgents, the fuel tank and hydraulics were hit. She had tried her best to land so the team in the back had a high chance of survival. She and her copilot were the only fatalities that day. She was a purple heart holder.

“Your mother Jamie, was a hero. She saved countless lives and I know that means nothing to you when she did not return home. But I know as a Marine, that you always try your best to make it home. She loved you Jamie.”

She laid down with him in her arms, pulling the comforter over the hard sobbing child. Nothing would ever sooth the pain of having lost a parent like this. As a child you did not understand duty. You only knew that your parent is not coming home. They had never hidden his mother from him, had always told him all they knew about her. In the beginning they still visited his grandma in the care home. He was three when she too passed and could not remember much of her.

But they had always made sure he knew about his biological mother and had answered all questions as best as they could. Oksana had spent a weekend calling her old squad mates to find out more so they had something to tell him. Thus they had been able to put together a nice scrapbook with pictures of her mother that had been sent in by friends and coworkers.

It would not bring her back, but it would honor her memory.

“I am sorry I yelled at you Mommy. I am sorry you had to make the decision. I love you and I am happy you and Mama adopted me.”

Jamie mumbled, unknowingly sparking tears in her. She let them fall down her eyes and run down her cheeks, listening to Jamie’s breathing even out as he fell asleep in her arms. As she turned to get more comfy, she found Eve standing at the door, looking at them, smiling through tears.

**

“I don't know Mama...how do I choose?”

Eve smiled through the rearview mirror.

“You’ll know ok?”

She parked the car and was instantly greeted by an older gent, smiling widely as he watched them get out.

“Hello Mrs Astankova? The General sent you?”

Eve smiled and shook hands.

“Yes, Sir. This is Jamie, my son. The General said you might have something for us to look at?”

The man nodded and then got down on one knee shaking hands with Jamie.

“Hey there little man. Now when we go into the garden there will be quite a ruckus. These little tykes are strong. We got two boys okay and they are playful. You gotta stay calm and when they get annoying, fold your arms over yer chest and turn away. They will understand that by nipping they won't get you to play okay? When they calmed you can pet them.”

Jamie nodded, trying to take it all in. Eve had been unsure if they should get a new dog. But shaggy was suffering from being alone and Oksana had said she would probably look into getting a younger dog again to give Shaggy back some quality of life.

Eve watched from farther away sitting with the retired Airforce Colonel and his wife and sipping tea. The man let Jamie try to get a handle on the pups as the mother sat next to him, watching.

“Airdale's are good breeds for kids. But they need a good hand and lots of exercise Ma’am.”

Eve smiled and nodded.

“My wife is a Major in the Marine Corps Sir. He will be on several runs all day and raised to accompany her and me throughout the day. Our inuit dog sadly passed of Cancer and our Irish Wolfhound needs a new companion too.”

Eve explained and the Colonel nodded.

“She is not going on tours?”

“No, she trains new recruits after working for force recon for years.”

“Chose family? Ah, sorry I should not pry."

“No worries. She decided to take on a more settled role when we started dating actually. But when I got wounded in Yemen with medicines sans frontieres she was happy she had taken this step as it allowed her to help me heal.”

They looked over when Jamie's laughs subsided and found him sitting in a corner of the fenced of area, sleeping pup on his lap."

"It seems they have chosen each other Ma'am that is Bear and he isn't one to lay down and nap."

"Yes, it seems they like each other."

**

"Guys I'm home! I got stuff from the store for Mac and cheese."

Oksana yelled into the house, frowning when not even Shaggy greeted her.

She toed off her boots and frowned not used to such silence in the house anymore. 

"Anyone home?"

Finally Eve emerged from the living room and kissed her tenderly before taking the grocery store bags from her.

"Hey did you bring the Greek yoghurt?"

"Ahh jeez...sorry babe. I'll get it tomorrow. Where's Jamie and Shaggy?"

Eve smiled as she started to unpack the grocery's. 

"Living room."

Oksana was not used not to be greeted by her boy and the dog and went over to get her hello to find Jamie already waiting and grinning, shaggy on his blanket shaking with over excitement.

"Hey buddy how was your day?"

Oksana asked and scooped her boy up, blowing raspberries against his throat.

"Mommy stop! Haha hello! My day was great. I have a present for you!"

He said in a tidal wave of words and Oksana set him down, watching as he went to the backroom and minutes later returned with a yapping mass of pup energy.

"Holy sh...moly."

Oksana muttered and kneeled down the curly haired large pup running towards her. She picked him hlup to get a better look and now Shaggy could not stay on his spot anymore happily running around her and trying to get the pup to play.

"His name is Bear! Mama says we chose each other."

And Oksana grinned as she pulled her boy into a tight hug.

"Thanks buddy. Love you.

"Love you to Mommy."

She let Jamie go and watched as he played with bear and Shaggy, slowly standing and then finding Eve watching. She pulled Eve into a tight embrace, kissing her deeply.

"I love you so much!"

The blonde mumbled against the Koreans lips, hands squeezing her wife in her arms.

"Thanks for never giving up on us,O. I love you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo that's it for now. 
> 
> Thanks so so much for reading and commenting!

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys I wanted to add something to KE week and since ages ago people asked if I would ever write more for that AU I thought the subject soft would fit nicely.
> 
> I disabled non member commenting since I have gotten some mean anonymous comments in the past and sadly feel this is the only way to stop people being like that.


End file.
